Apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.
Hey loves welcome back,
How are you doing? Hopefully, your 2021 is starting off great and you are accomplishing things. Things will get better soon. We are still taking tips from the book I am reading and applying it to our lives.
These are books I feel are great for everyone, especially women. I have a link post related to this topic through today’s post. I hope you like them and share them with a friend.
Build the Cushion
This chapter is focused on not abandoning yourself or it will reflect in your relationships. It is not okay to hold pain in because it will affect you, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This will take a toll on your relationships. She then brought up the idea of musterbation. Now before your mind goes to the gutter, it’s not what you think it is.
“Musterbation” is a term coined by famed psychologist Albert Ellis to describe the phenomenon whereby people live by a set of absolute and unrealistic demands that they place on themselves, others and the world.
Your language and tone when delivering your needs to a person influences how they react. It’s not about what you say, it’s how you say it. Perspective shapes perception. Try to understand how others will comprehend what your’re saying.
A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.
The lesson at the end of this chapter asked me to think about my love language and is it the same as the love languages in my house growing up. The answer is no.
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for truth.
Learning to Say I’m Sorry
This chapter talks about apologies and how they can be the best move in a relationship. Many relationships lack accountability and lead to blowups. If lack of accountability was big in your house, break that cycle. Apologies can go a long way.
“Shame is a lousy motivator of change”. We often hut the ones we love. Our tongues are the most powerful muscles in our bodies and can do a lot of damage. Sometimes it is unintentional and towards the ones we love the most. Also please remember: Using the word “but” in an apology, negates everything you just said. Check out the website below to learn how to apologize correctly.
Sometimes, forgiving doesn’t happen all at once. All pain is real and valid. So, sometimes forgiving someone and accepting their apology can take a while.
Apologize quickly when you wrong someone, because I’m sorry has no value in the grave.
Forgiving an Ex
You need to forgive your ex before getting in a new relationship, or you’re punishing your new person for something they did not do.
“Forgive and forget” is hard. Especially for me. It is hard for me to maintain a relationship with someone who did something below the belt. Yes, I’ll forgive but I will not forget. It’s a lesson for when I move forward.
I have been done dirty in the past, so in order for me to heal, I had to block them for a while and do the work. No contact at all. I’m not saying that method is for everyone, but that is what helps me.
“The energy of presence is powerful”. Have you ever been with someone and they were on the phone the whole time? I have. There was no room for intimacy because the energy was going towards the fun. You would know I am interested in you if I am not on my phone at all when I am with you.
This is just a personal opinion, but have you noticed that people do not know how to hold a conversation anymore? Their communication is surface level because, with technology, they do not have to put in as much effort. You also see a lot of people arguing in text for many reasons like, being able to keep records or what was said. I don’t like to argue, but if we’re having a serious conversation we need to have it in person or on the phone. I want you to hear my tone so that you do not take something the wrong way. We will continue this discussion on the last post for this book!
I look forward to seeing you at the next one. Feel free to comment below, like, subscribe, and share this post with people who you know need to hear or read this. Also, be sure to check out my Birthday post!!!