“Intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them and their response is ‘you’re safe with me’, that’s intimacy.” — Taylor Jenkins Reid
Wrapping Up Loving Bravely Pt 1
Welcome back to Joi’s Journey of Perception! I am hoping you have been enjoying my points from the book that I am reading. As we get towards the end of January, we are getting to the end of this book. Be sure to check it out for yourself! Now, let’s talk about Self- Awareness.
I am back with another post! There are a couple of chapters left and I’m excited to share my thoughts on them with you!
This next chapter is about touch.
For me, intimacy is much more important than sex. You’re going to make love to my mind before you make love to my body. The author says we respond to touch, based on how we did when we were younger. Absence vs. gentle.
The author says that sex is a venue for how we express ourselves. This is why it is important to understand yourself (body) before getting involved with anyone. She says that culture influences how we feel about ourselves. I one hundred percent agree.
“To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.” — Anonymous
Sex is literally everywhere. It feels like when we are younger, adults try to keep it pg with us or hide it from us all together. It is important for parents to talk to children about it. Be as open as possible or the children will receive the information elsewhere. Sex is selfless and selfish. I repeat sex is selfless and selfish.
The author also wrote about hook up culture. She thinks that social media correlate with hookup culture. She thinks hookup culture derives from the fear of getting hurt. In a sense, I agree with her. I don’t think that love is valued as much as it use to be. Because other options are easier to access due to social media. Hooking up is a gamble, especially if you know that is not what you’re looking for.
“Intimacy is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.” — Anonymous
Honoring the Space in Between
The author talks about types of conflict and how we explain it.
Circular (Systemic) Causality
A circular interpretation of problems translates into the following pattern: A influences B, and B influences A. The circle/dynamic is ongoing.
A linear interpretation of problems translates into the following equation: A influences B, but B doesn’t influence A. That is, A causes B.
The difference is blame. One definition involves taking accountability and the other doesn’t.
I go on and on about self-awareness, but it is so important. Being self-aware can help you when it comes to disagreements and you will not feel the need to blame another person all the time.
For instance, the reason my last relationship ended, was both of our faults. Maybe him more than me, but yes, we both played a big role.
Respect the Pause
Our response to things is correlated with our freedom. Relational self awareness is very important.
Relational self-awareness is the ability to take a curious stance vis-a-vis yourself. People who have relational self-awareness can: Talk about their earlier relational experiences and how they shaped their relationships today.
Reacting certain ways are natural. She uses the example, Road rage. I have road rage and I am working on it.
Although I have road rage, I don’t like arguing. Not once in my last relationship did we argue. That’s because it doesn’t solve anything. Many couples argue a things get said that are unforgivable. The author mentions the phrase “Kitchen- sinking”.
Kitchen sinking involves throwing all kinds of events, or misdeeds of another person, at them all at once. In it’s worst from a conversation about who’s supposed to take out the garbage today might turn into a discussion of what someone did ten years ago.
This leads to relationships and friendships ending. Do the work and become self-aware!
You will need to follow in order to keep up! Trust me, this is something that you do not want to miss!