“AFTER CLIMBING A GREAT HILL, ONLY ONE FINDS THAT THERE ARE MANY MORE HILLS TO CLIMB” -NELSON MANDELA
So no one wants to talk about the giant elephant in the room after graduation, but I’ll be the one to say something. And though this may not apply to everyone’s lives, many who choose to cover it up can relate. I’m just going to keep it a buck and say it.
Life after college is pretty depressing. No matter what you do and no matter how much of an extrovert you are or how optimistic you are it’s pretty depressing. Like many, I try to hide it or find something else to do to keep my mind off how sad I felt.
During my final weeks of college, it was a time filled with mixed emotions including fear and anxiousness. Of course, I was happy because I was done with homework and lack of sleep for a while, but I was scared because I didn’t know what was next for me.
Here I am. I accomplished a goal, but now I have to come up with a new one or I won’t know what to do with myself. Change is hard for someone who likes to be in control of things and know whats going on.
The night before graduation, everyone went out to celebrate coming a long way and I was out of my mind. I was trying to numb the fact that I was scared of the change. My daily routines were about to change after the next day. The same people I was used to going to the bars or eating cheese fries with at three in the morning, were not about to be a few minutes away anymore. Those friendships I was used to would now take more effort to keep going. Don’t get me wrong, I was already Mrs. Independent in college but now I was really going to be alone.
I’m not trying to scare you guys and take away the joy of one of the most happiest days of your life, however I believe you need to be aware of the truth. If you don’t acknowledge reality , you aren’t being real with yourself.
The day of graduation I was physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. Part of it had to do with all the turning up but most of it had to deal with the fact that I wasn’t acknowledging my true emotions towards life after graduation. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had a few ideas with what I wanted to do and where I wanted to move but they take time and money. So, I had to come up with a plan for the present in order to get the future that I wanted.
No one tells you about all of the rejection you deal with after college. The rejection from friends, family and jobs. Each day that went by of not getting calls returned or emails answered, I would be harder on myself. Picking myself apart about what I did wrong. I stareted questioning so many friendships and relationships in general, which was not good.
During the Summer after college, is when the depression really hit. My friends tried to keep me busy or invite me places but I just was not feeling it. I would stay in bed curled up in a ball thinking about what I was doing wrong with my life. I even stopped eating. I hadn’t done that since high school but it did happen.
Eventually I had to turn my outlook on life around. I made a list of new goals I wanted to accomplish, no matter how big they were. The positives should have been my biggest focus. Not comparing myself to everyone’s else path, not the rejection, and not my fear. I just need to enjoy the journey and stop trying to have too much control of my future. If I think about it, If could control everything, life would be so boring. Although, I’m not living the perfect life right now…cause you know I will eventually will live my definition of the perfect life, but I digress. I am happy for sure, which is my top priority after graduation.
