Are you a Placeholder?

Hey Loves and Welcome Back to Joi’s Journey of Perception

The discussion I was part of earlier is what I want to discuss. One girl stated the question “why do y’all take y’all friends for granted when y’all get into a relationship.”

There were so many women agreeing. I then said, “usually women are using them as placeholders until they find a man.” Many of them agreed as they should. I’ve always questioned my elders about how it occurs since many of us have seen it firsthand. Once they get a man, all their relationships with other people, especially platonic relationships, cease to exist.

That is until they need somebody. How strange and unfair. Like I’ve said in a previous post, I’ve had to cut off certain people because it felt like they valued romantic relationships more than platonic ones. I’m not saying you have to put your friends before your significant other, however, there should be a balance. You should not make your relationship your complete identity.

Have an Identity

Have an identity outside of your relationship

I usually find that a lot of people put their focus on relationships when they feel like everything else in their life is not going as planned. Rather than working on having confidence in themselves to succeed in the things that they care about, they rather focus on their partner and make sure that they do not fail.

Everyone has a narrative that places big deals at the center of their lives. It’s unfortunate that a lot of women make the relationship the focus of their narrative. I feel like they can’t live their lives without talking about it or being wrapped up in their partner. It is for this reason that I gravitate more toward women with a strong sense of independence. They aren’t relying on a man. Because some of the worst friends are the ones who will put a man before anyone else.

Here’s the thing

There is a difference between being a placeholder friend and outgrowing a friendship. There are times when we all outgrow a friendship due to wanting to go on different paths. But when someone is using you as a placeholder friend. The \y have you there because it’s convenient and that’s not a good feeling. If you realize that that is the situation you are in, cut it off immediately.

Let me know if you have been in this situation in. the comments below and how you dealt with it. Women, we have to do better. It is okay to love being with your partner but have a balance. You can’t lose yourself. Don’t forget to like, share, comment, and follow!

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