As a child, if we did not get the love we needed from our parents we will spend a lifetime looking for it…in all the wrong places.

Hey guys welcome back,

I know it has been a long week/year, but the fight is not over. However, it is time for a mental health check in. Just based on my personal experiences lately, I think we need to talk about a topic that many people aren’t aware of. Childhood trauma plays a major role in many peoples life, and I am so proud of my generation shedding light on it because we want it to end with us. First of all, my generation is so amazing considering the fact that we want to put a stop to so many things that we all experienced as children. We are the change that the world needed and I am so proud of us.

Childhood trauma is not necessarily a prophecy of doom, because some children are resilient or because later experiences help to restore mental health.

So you may be asking what childhood trauma is first of all. Well I am here to tell you. ISTTS says:

Childhood Trauma. The word trauma is used to describe negative events that are emotionally painful and that overwhelm a person’s ability to cope. Examples of such events include experiencing an earthquake or hurricane, industrial accident or vehicular accident, physical or sexual assault, and various forms of abuse experienced during childhood.

So, that major car accident you experience as a child, yes that is trauma that could possibly be affecting your behavior to this day. This is why many bring up the argument of why children should not be out there with us protesting rights for black lives. They should be at home being children. But that is a different discussion for a different day.

Here’s the thing about childhood trauma, it not only prevents you from being a child but an adult too. I won’t be specific with some of my trauma but to this day they are the reason I hate asking for help, that I am a perfectionist, and have trouble letting go. I’m trying to compensate for the shortcomings as a child and it honestly sucks because this shouldn’t even be a thing. Perfection is the enemy of progress.

Trauma prevents you from control of anything. Although we don’t have control of everything to begin with, Not being able to control things as a child makes you feel that you need to try to do everything perfecta as an adult to make up for that. And let’s all be realistic and agree that it is not possible.

But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative. She approaches the task of early adulthood――establishing independence and intimacy――burdened by major impairments in self-care, in cognition and in memory, in identity, and in the capacity to form stable relationships. 

Here’s the thing, that should not be shocking at all. Parents in the household are most of the cause for childhood trauma. Them setting unrealistic standards for the child to meet and not celebrating any success, makes the child believe that nothing is ever good enough. That is not fair and very harmful to their growth. I guess with everything I’ve beeen through, one of my problems, is that I do my best not to lose people to make up for all the poeple I lost as a child. I even break my boundaries to prevent them from leaving .

Childhood trauma is the cause for a lot of relationships coming to an end. It really sucks. I’ve seen some people you would think would be amazing for people but there’s that one person who if they feel like they aren’t doing life right, they will push the people who care about them the most away, and its because they were probably raised to think that everything they do was not good enough.

Dealing with men who haven’t dealt with their childhood trauma is rough, and being the empath I am, it’s hard not to want to help them. I just believe a lot of people need therapy. Many cultures look down on going to therapy, I have family who talked down on me wanting go but it’s a necessary thing.

The greater a child’s terror, and the earlier it is experienced, the harder it becomes to develop a strong and healthy sense of self.” 

― Nathaniel Branden, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

To sum this up, whatI’m saying is that there is usually a deeper reason for why people act a certain way. Not using this as an excuse for certain behaviors but there is a reason for everything. You need to put in the work in order to heal.

Thank you for reading another post! I look forward to seeing you on the next one. Feel free to comment below, like, subscribe, and share this post with people who you know need to hear or read this.