“WHO YOU ARE IS SPEAKING SO LOUDLY THAT I CAN’T HEAR WHAT YOU’RE SAYING” ~ RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Hey loves, welcome back!
So, this post is going to be about a topic, I know everyone would be interested in and I’ve been dealing with situations that have a lot to do with it. So apparently, how you think someone is feeling is a little bit more complicated when it comes to observing how they interact with you.
Let me set the scene. So, everyone deals with rude people a lot. Recently, I have dealt with a woman, who was beyond rude to me for no reason. I was even helping the lady out and she just snaps. Her arms were folded and she was scowling. One of my friends was like, let’s try to take in consideration what she may be dealing with. Now, I get that, however, I am also a believer of, what you are dealing with personally is not everyone’s fault. If I am having a bad day, I am not going to take it out on people who have nothing to do with it. That’s what we call adulting and self-control.
You are taking your anger and frustration out on people who don’t even know you, or know that you are going through something. That is selfish and immature. Don’t let that happen.
“THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN COMMUNICATION IS HEARING WHAT ISN’T SAID” ~ PETER DRUCKER
Being the curious person that I am. I decided to do my research on communication and interaction. I mean, having facts to back me up in future disputes is not a bad idea. In my research, I found a study on the 55-38-7 rule. Most believe that it is a myth, but I think there is some truth to it. Basically, 55% body language, 38% tone, 7% words. hmmm let’s dig deeper.
55% of communication is visual (your body language)
38% of communication is your voice (tone, inflection, etc)
7% is verbal (your words)
We should be able to tell by someone’s body language how they are feeling. The lady I was dealing with was very short and looked angry (with her arms folded). Why? I don’t know, but that’s not my business, nor my job to find out what’s going on in her personal life. But I digress. New York Times said “Body language is an outward reflection of a person’s emotional condition. Each gesture or movement can be a valuable key to an emotion a person may be feeling at the time.”
Yes, everyone is dealing with difficult things in their life, however, using your downs in life to justify your rude behavior towards others is just pitiful. One thing people seem to forget is that your body language will reveal your emotions before what you say does. People should be mindful of that. How you think that you are coming off may be complete opposite of how you actually are. You must be careful of you actions and words so you don’t portray yourself wrong.
“Words are from the lips, actions are from the heart. …”
Another thing wrong with a lot of peoples’ communications skills is that they are only listening to respond and not listening to comprehend. They are plotting their response. Have you ever been in an argument with a guy (or your significant other) and it was like talking to a brick wall? It was like they were not trying to reconcile or that they prefer to stay at odds with you instead of solving the issue. In reality you don’t want to “fight” with this person, but it’s like they are not hearing you and it becomes frustrating. Leading to a physical or emotional separation. Bad communication does that. It’s like a snowball effect.
Let me give you another example of how communication works (body language in particular). Have you ever been to a bar or party, caught glimpse of a guy you’re interested in, and debated with yourself whether you should shoot your shot or not. His body language should give you the answer that you need. Obviously, if he is smiling, it is a go. The next thing you could look at is if their arms are crossed. I would not approach if they seemed cut off.
Something that could help the person you’re interested, know that you’re interested. Start by using this formula but alter it in a way that works for you.
55% of communication is visual (your body language)
38% of communication is your voice (tone, inflection, etc)
7% is verbal (your words).
Starting with the 55%. So, you’re at the bar. Put your phone away. This can turn anyone away from approaching you, when you may not have meant it. I know, I know, a lot of people use their phone to keep them calm and not feel alone when they’re in social settings, but try not to if you’re looking to play the field.
The next thing you should do, is to use your eyes, to show that someone is welcome to approach you. I promise you, this is bound to work.
Once that gets the person you want to approach you. The tone (38%) is just as important. Try not to come of mean and turned off in your voice if that is not what you truly are feeling. Talk normal and relax your throat. Through in a little flintiness. You can tell a man is flirting in his voice because he will try to deepen it. (you’re welcome.)
The last percentage is,7% your words. Those are not as important but they do play a role. You have to prepare what you’re doing to say before you say it. Could save you from a lot of things. If you like a guy, try o read his body language because while some respect if you just flat out say they want them, some may not. You also could say that you just want to hook up, when in reality you want a relationship. You must be careful of that. Think about what you’re going to say first.
In the end, communication is a big deal in our lives, and learning how to do it correctly is important.
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Websites:https://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/24/books/chapters/0924-1st-peas.html
