Moving on after a breakup
I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of heartbreak. And not just because it’s a favorite subject of pop songs and rom-coms. Heartbreak is one of those universal experiences that we all deal with at some point or another, regardless if we’re single or married, young or old, rich or poor. It’s something that can happen suddenly and without warning, but it also tends to stick around for quite some time — even when you feel like you’ve healed enough to move on from it. But guess what? You don’t have to stay stuck in your past forever! As long as you keep working on yourself and do things that make you feel happy again, there will come a day when you realize that this person who broke your heart actually didn’t break your spirit after all…
1. Stop picking apart your scars.
You probably think that you’re the only one who’s ever been through this. It’s like everyone else on Earth is above the petty drama of romantic relationships, and you’re the only one getting hurt by it. Then you realize that everyone is just as messed up as you are, and it actually makes things worse. You get frustrated because now there’s nothing left for you to learn from your break up because everyone else has already done everything wrong too.
You’re not alone—we all share this same experience! No matter how much we’d like to think otherwise, we aren’t special snowflakes (unless your name is Elsa). Our hearts were broken by love before they were yours; our hearts have been broken since they were yours. Love hurts because it brings us closer to the greatest source of joy in life: other people!
2. Forgive them — and yourself.
We all have a tendency to be overly hard on ourselves after breakups. We start to question everything we did, and why the other person treated us that way. But let’s make one thing clear: You are not perfect. And neither is your ex-partner.
And even if you were perfect, you probably still wouldn’t understand why your relationship ended because there’s no one way for relationships to end — as long as both parties are willing and mature enough to put in an effort, they will succeed in finding their happiness elsewhere eventually (and this doesn’t mean finding another person).
When I was going through my breakup last year, I tried compartmentalizing my feelings by focusing on how much work needed to be done around the house or what projects were coming up at work instead of thinking about my ex-boyfriend. It helped me get out of bed in the morning because I had something to look forward to; but more importantly, it allowed me some time away from dwelling on the past and gave me perspective about who I was now versus who I used to be when we were dating.
3. Don’t be afraid to tell your truth.
- Don’t be afraid to tell your truth.
- Don’t be afraid to show your true self.
- Don’t be afraid to share your feelings.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it, even if it’s from strangers on the internet (we’re here for a reason).
The world is scary enough without having the courage to be vulnerable in front of others, but I promise that if you give yourself permission to let go and open up about how you feel, everything is going to turn out fine
4. Remember that time is non-linear, not linear.
You’re going to feel like you’ll never recover, or you will be fine in a few months. The truth is that it doesn’t happen like that. You can feel better for days, weeks, even months and then something triggers the sadness again. That’s okay! Remember that time is non-linear and not linear (I know this is hard).
5. Take a social media detox.
While social media can be an excellent way to stay connected with friends, family and loved ones, it can also be a source of anxiety. From seeing photos of your ex’s new partner to scrolling through your feed and seeing countless relationship goals posts or feel-good images—it can be easy to get caught up in that sense of contentment.
This is why taking a break from all things Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for a bit might be the best thing for you right now. When I finally decided on my own break from social media (which lasted about four months), I was surprised at how much more present I became in my daily life—and how much more time I had available for other activities and hobbies that didn’t involve looking at screens all day long!
When you decide it’s time for your detox, try these tips:
- Be honest with yourself about WHY you want to do this—don’t just say “because everyone else is doing it” or “because everyone else says they like their lives better without social media.” You should want this change because YOU need it; not because someone else thinks they need it too!
6. Remember that you’re perfect just the way you are
You are perfect just the way you are.
Let me repeat that: You’re perfect just the way you are! I know, it sounds like a cliche, but it’s true nonetheless. It may feel like everyone else is more attractive or smarter than you, and that they don’t have any flaws at all while your own personal faults seem to pile up higher than Mount Everest every day. But here’s something important to remember: everyone has flaws. Even people who seem perfect on the outside have their own mistakes and weaknesses; we all do. The key is not trying to change yourself so much as accepting yourself for who you already are—flaws included!
Once again, remember that I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting to improve yourself—I think this is an important step towards finding happiness in life overall (and especially when dealing with breakups). However, making small changes instead of overhauling your entire personality will help prevent burnout later on down the road (not to mention make things less stressful). So take some time now to explore ways in which you can make positive alterations without being overwhelmed by them later on down the road—but always remember not only how wonderful but also how normal those changes really are!
7. Write yourself a love letter (or buy one).
A love letter is a powerful tool for healing your heart. It’s like writing down all the things you wish your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend knew about why you broke up with them, and then sending it to them in a lovely package that contains only sunshine and rainbows.
Writing a letter to yourself is an exercise in self-love, so if you’re feeling stuck with your own emotions after the breakup (or even if they’ve been there since before), this is an opportunity to get out of your head and into their arms instead. And if it helps bring your mind back around to what was good about being together in the first place, so much the better!
8. Spend time with people who make you feel like the best version of yourself
- People who make you feel like your best self
- People who are supportive of your goals
- People who inspire you to be the best version of yourself
- People who make you laugh
9. Start a new routine, even if it’s small at first.
When you’re starting to feel like yourself again, it’s time to make some changes. Start with small things at first and see how you feel. Maybe try something new, or perhaps go back to the gym your old college roommate talked about. Whatever you choose, just make sure that it brings out the best version of yourself—the one who knows what she wants in life and isn’t afraid of going after it.
Once you’ve gotten into a new routine (or if this is already something that’s been part of your life), keep track of how well it’s working for you! Try keeping a journal where every day when work is done, write down all your accomplishments so far, focusing on what made today great instead of dwelling on anything negative from the past week. You’ll be amazed at how much progress can happen when we stop worrying about what others think and focus on ourselves instead!
10. Listen to uplifting music and really mean the words you sing along to when you do so.
The soundtrack of your life is a great way to express how you feel and what’s on your mind. It can also be a way of healing from a broken heart. If you find yourself listening to depressing music, look for something with an upbeat tempo that makes you want to dance or sing along. If the lyrics are too sad, change the station or try humming instead of singing! In addition, make sure the songs have positive messages so they don’t reinforce negative feelings.
- One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful” showcases their confidence in themselves (and each other) while also reassuring their listeners that they’re beautiful no matter what anyone says! The song was written by Ed Sheeran and it reached #1 on the iTunes charts worldwide within 24 hours after its release in 2012. It continues to be one of the most popular songs among fans both young and old today despite being nearly five years old now!
Healing from heartbreak can take time, but it’s possible for everyone — no matter how long ago it happened or how much it affected you in the moment — to move on and love themselves fully again after ending a relationship for any reason, whether mutual or not.
- Take it slow
- Don’t rush the process
- You will get through it
- It’s not easy, but you can do it
Remember that you are not alone and that you do have options. All it takes is a little bit of time and a lot of love from yourself and those who care about you.