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Defining Your Boundaries

Resist the urge to explain your boundaries or make excuses for having them. That just gives people something to argue with you about.

Hey loves and Welcome back to Joi’s Journey of Perception.

In this post, we are talking about boundaries, especially with a narcissist. For so long, I had a tough time setting boundaries with people because, of my childhood. I was so used to putting others before myself.

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bound·a·ry/ˈbound(ə)rē/Learn to pronounce noun plural noun: boundaries

  1. a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.” the eastern boundary of the wilderness” Similar: border frontier borderline partition dividing line bounding line bounds confines limits outer limit extremities margins edges fringes periphery perimeter circumference rim circuit marge bourn skirt
    • a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.” a community without class or political boundaries”

What happens to people who don’t have boundaries.

Relationships and friendships become one-sided. The person without them ends up resenting the other person because they are being mistreated. But what sucks, is once you start setting your boundaries the other person feels some type of way because they can’t take advantage of your lack of boundaries. How is that fair?

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” —Brene Brown, researcher, author, motivational speaker

Personal story

So, I had this ex who I was too lenient with. I was one hundred percent their for him especially being his emotionally safe person. Little did I know, was that I was being drained of that support. He took everything I had to offer to feed his ego, while I was getting nothing in return. Once he was done draining me he did what typical users do and disappears. That’s what forced me to create my non-negotiable list.

My Non-negotiables

Hard experiences teach you rough lessons.

I finally reached my breaking point and set my boundaries with everyone. Either people could respect them or they can leave. I’m done with feeling drained because I lacked the ability to say no.

If your loved ones truly love you then they won’t want you to destroy yourself in service of them. If they do want you to fully self-sacrifice for their sake, then they shouldn’t consider themselves your loved ones.

Examples of Healthy Boundaries

  • I am not answering Personal questions for people who don’t deserve an answer.
  • I will not be lending money if you don’t want to.
  • There will be no pursuing emotionally unavailable men.
  • Not accepting people who invalidate my emotions

There are so many that I’ve put into place and I think everyone should have them. What are some boundaries you have? Let me know in the comments below. Also be sure to like, comment, share, and subscribe!

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