Dealing with people who purposely trigger your traumas
I won’t lie: people who trigger our traumas are a pain in the ass. They’re mean and selfish, and when they get upset about something. They decide it’s best to take it out on us! And yet there are ways that we can deal with them without making ourselves miserable. There are many things you can do if you find yourself being targeted by someone who wants to hurt you. In order to make themselves feel better. Here are some of my favorites. Dealing with people who purposely trigger your traumas.
Don’t fight back.
The thing is, you can’t change people. You can only change yourself. If you try to change them, it’s likely that you’ll make the situation worse. And they’ll be more angry with you than before. And if you try to fight back. Which is what I did for years. You will probably make things even worse than before.
It’s not worth it. Just let these people go on living their lives as they see fit (even though their views may be terrible). It doesn’t matter what kind of person they are. At least they aren’t hurting anyone else by saying these things about trauma victims! We all need some form of release from our traumas. Even if it’s just complaining about our coworkers or talking smack about celebrities on social media. Those activities can help us feel better temporarily. Because we feel like we aren’t alone in having had negative experiences in life due to trauma triggers.
You can go a long way with denial.
Denial is a defense mechanism that allows you to cope with trauma by pretending that it didn’t happen. It’s not the same as pretending something didn’t happen, or not caring about someone else’s pain. In fact, denial can be helpful in some situations. For example, if your friend says she needs help moving but then doesn’t mention it again and keeps asking you how your day was instead of helping out with her move. You might find yourself feeling frustrated and wondering. Why she isn’t taking care of herself like everyone else does (or at least tries)? In this case, denial would allow you to avoid getting upset by telling yourself “I’m sure she’ll ask me later.”
If we’re talking about people who purposely trigger our traumas so they can watch us suffer: no amount of denial will protect us from them forever. And sometimes even just one instance can feel like too much!
You can change people.
Also, you can’t change people, but you can change how you react to them.
You can’t change other people’s behavior, but you can change your reaction to it.
You can find humor in what other people do.
It’s not always easy to laugh at other people’s antics, especially when they’re trying to hurt you. But if you can find humor in what they do, it can be a great way to deal with stress and pain.
Humor can also be used as a defense mechanism against negative attention. People who have been traumatized often feel like they don’t deserve love or compassion because of what happened to them; humor helps deflect that kind of attention by making others feel better about themselves. Even though the person being laughed at may still feel bad about themselves afterward!
Finally, humor is often used as a tool during hard times: You know how some people say that “laughter is the best medicine”? Well, they’re right! Humor has been shown time and again by medical researchers all over the world (who are definitely not lying) that when we laugh our bodies produce endorphins which help us relax while boosting our immune system. So we’re less likely to get sick later on down the road when things get tough again
You can get outside help.
If you’re trying to deal with people who purposely trigger your traumas, it’s important to get outside help.
You can get support from friends and family. Your partner might be able to help you process what happened by listening carefully and asking questions that will help clarify the situation. Or maybe they’ll just be there while you vent about how awful their friend is being. Friends may even offer advice on how best to deal with these situations in the future. Or at least commiserate with how annoying it is when someone triggers one of your traumas on purpose!
You could also try seeing a therapist or joining a support group for people who have been through similar experiences as yours; these resources might give you tools for dealing with this type of situation more effectively next time around! Self-help books are also great resources if they fit within your budget. But if not there are plenty free ones out there too (Google “self-help books”!). If traditional medical approaches aren’t working then consider spiritual advisors such as priests/rabbis etc., who may have different perspectives than doctors do since they aren’t trained specifically on mental health issues like therapists are. However keep in mind these people tend not specialize solely within this field either so don’t expect miracles overnight!
You can make it clear that you don’t want to be hurt by them.
You don’t have to let them get away with it, or push you into a corner where they feel like they’re winning. And you can say: “You know what, I’m not going to do this.” Or “I’m not going to let you treat me like this anymore.”
Or even if none of those things come out of your mouth in the moment, at least make sure that later on when the dust has settled–and maybe even while it’s still happening–you give yourself permission not just physically but emotionally as well: “I am allowed (and even expected!) To defend myself from people who try and hurt me.”
Trauma is bad but there are ways to deal with it that don’t involve beating yourself up or making the situation worse
I understand that you feel bad. You’re probably feeling angry, hurt, and frustrated. But here are some things to keep in mind:
- It’s not your fault. You can’t control other people or what they do or how they react or treat you.
- Don’t beat yourself up over this situation; it won’t help anything at all! Instead of beating yourself up, try these tactics:
- Take a break from social media until your emotions have calmed down and you feel more able to deal with this person calmly (or even just don’t look at their posts for awhile).
- Think about why someone would purposely trigger your traumas as opposed to being genuinely interested in what happened/why it was so upsetting for them (this might sound silly but I promise it helps!). For example: “Oh wow–I didn’t realize my story was so similar to yours! That must have been really tough.” This can help put things into perspective by reminding us that everyone has had struggles in life–even if we don’t share those exact same experiences, there are still similarities between our lives which may lead us closer together instead of further apart if given enough time spent together talking through these issues openly…
We all want to move on from our pasts, but sometimes it’s hard. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of trauma and self-blame, try some of the tips above! They may help you break free from those feelings and start living again.
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