A lot of women get blamed for situations men manipulated them into
The first time I was manipulated by a toxic person, I felt guilty. For months, I blamed myself for the situation and didn’t understand why it had happened. But as time went on and more lies were revealed, it became clear that this person was intentionally manipulating me – but not just with his words: he also did it nonverbally by withholding affection at critical points in our interactions. In this post, we’ll talk about how toxic people use manipulation and guilt-tripping to control their victims – because let’s face it: nobody wants to be controlled by someone else!
I was in a relationship with someone who lied to me all the time.
I was in a relationship with someone who lied to me all the time.
Why? Because they’re bad people, and lying is their way of getting what they want.
You see, lying isn’t just something that happens one time—it’s a sign of a toxic person who uses your trust against you to manipulate you into staying in their control. If the person is good at what they do, then you might even start believing some of their lies and start feeling guilty about yourself for being so “insecure” or “needy.” This is another way for them to keep power over you; if you feel like an awful person for wanting affection from someone who treats you like crap (even though it’s not your fault), then chances are that when this kind of behavior starts happening again later on down the road, there won’t be any red flags going off in your head because deep down somewhere inside yourself there’s this voice saying “I deserve better than this.”
The first lie he ever told me was about his age, which wasn’t even that bad.
The first lie he ever told me was about his age, which wasn’t even that bad. He told me he was 25 when he was 30. He also lied about going to college, but that didn’t concern me too much because I thought it was silly for someone who had been out of school for years to pretend they were still in school.
He didn’t lie about everything though; he would tell me things like how much money he made and what kind of car he had (a very nice one). I trusted him because of this, but I knew something was wrong when we went out on our first date and my friends tried to explain to me that men at age 30 don’t tend to go on dates with women who are only 18*.
One major lie he told me was that the reason he didn’t want to hang was that he had anxiety and lost friends when he got too close to them.
One major lie he told me was that the reason he didn’t want to hang out was that he had anxiety and lost friends when he got too close to them. But I wouldn’t have been a friend if I let him sit by himself, so I made sure to attend every event with him, even if it meant spending money on an individual ticket just for myself. At the time, it seemed like a small price to pay for friendship. In reality, though—and this one hurts me so much that I can barely bring myself to say it out loud—he wanted me around because then no one else would get close enough to make him feel insecure or threatened in any way.
He’d tell me how much I meant to him, how special I was, and how much he loved me, but then would not want to talk for days.
He’d tell me how much I meant to him, how special I was, and how much he loved me. Then he would not want to talk for days.
I would call and text him multiple times a day trying to reach him or ask why he wasn’t responding. He would always say “I’ll call you later”, but wouldn’t do so until days later.
He was using manipulation tactics to keep me around because of what I could offer him (sex).
When I asked him why he really didn’t want to hang out with me, it boiled down to either “he was tired” or “he was busy.” Sound familiar?
You may be familiar with the refrain: “Sorry I can’t hang out, I’m so busy!” We’ve all heard this excuse a million times. Whether it’s true or not is beside the point—it doesn’t matter if they really are busy or not, because they’re using their “busyness” as an excuse to get away from whatever situation they don’t want to deal with.
It’s also totally fine if you use this excuse yourself sometimes. In fact, let’s take a moment to commiserate together about how exhausting it can be when you ask someone out and then have to hear about their plans for every weekend until you finally cave in and say yes to going out with them even though you didn’t want to go in the first place.
But still—he should just say no! If he has something going on that he’d rather do than hang out with me (even though I haven’t even asked him yet), then why does he keep texting back? Why does he keep asking questions about what time we should meet up?
One of the biggest ways toxic people control you is by withholding affection and fostering negative feelings in you.
One of the biggest ways toxic people control you is by withholding affection and fostering negative feelings in you. They make you feel guilty for wanting basic needs met, like a good friendship or relationship. This is called guilt-tripping, which is a way of controlling someone. It’s not okay to make someone feel bad for wanting basic needs met!
You don’t have the right to make someone else feel guilty for your own wrongdoings – especially when they don’t even know they are being manipulated.
I know you well enough to know that you don’t want to feel guilty. I also know that you hate being manipulative, which is why it cuts so deep when someone guilt trips you.
It’s okay to feel bad about someone hurting you, but it’s not your fault that they hurt you and it’s not your responsibility to make them feel better about themselves by making yourself miserable.
And maybe—just maybe—if someone manipulates you into feeling like crap about yourself, it means they’re not the right person for you anyway!
Toxic people are known for guilt-tripping and making you feel bad for wanting basic needs met – like a good friendship or relationship.
A lot of women get blamed for situations men manipulated them into. Toxic people are known for guilt-tripping and making you feel bad for wanting basic needs met — like a good friendship or relationship. If your friend is a toxic person and you’re constantly being made to feel guilty, it might be time to cut ties with that person.
- Guilt tripping: The act of making someone feel guilty so they do whatever you want them to do.*
- It’s okay to want basic needs met.* We should never be guilted into doing anything we don’t want to do because someone else doesn’t have their own needs met.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling bad about someone hurting you – especially when they don’t even know what they’re doing.
You should never feel guilty for feeling bad about someone hurting you. Especially when they don’t even know what they’re doing.
I, personally, have been in this situation many times before and it’s something I’m very familiar with. It turns out that there are a lot of people who aren’t aware of how manipulative their actions can be until after the fact.
We all deserve love, affection, and respect. That’s why it’s important to learn when someone is toxic for you and learn how to protect yourself from them.