Why you shouldn’t “fix a man”….

“WOMEN, YOU ARE NOT REHABILITATION CENTERS FOR BADLY RAISED MEN. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX HIM, CHANGE HIM,  PARENT HIM, OR RAISE HIM. YOU WANT A PARTNER. NOT A PROJECT.”

Hey loves,

So you may be a bit confused by what I mean in the title of this blog. There are a couple of women, like myself who tend to fix a man. We like project men (me not so much anymore). I know that I liked men I could fix because it was a distraction of my issues but that’s besides the point. I was choosing guys who had no type of ambition or goals.  Turning them into wholesome men for the next woman. Which sucks because I didn’t get a chance to reap what I sow.

Have you all heard the Ariana Grande song “In my head”….yea I know I know, she annoys some of you, but the lyrics to this song are amazing and so relatable for me. She was basically taking about ignoring the signs that were right in front of her.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uJQxq6epDk%5D

So I am going to break the song down and tell you how I relate to it and what it is trying to say. So the song begins with the line, “you’re in love with a version of a person that you’ve created in your head, that you are trying to but cannot fix”. I think a lot of us do this when we have a crush. We build this person up with this blurry vision, not seeing them for who they really are.

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I remember liking this guy who, let’s be honest, I didn’t know much about. The way I would describe him to family in friends, you would thing he was somewhat perfect. Now that I look back at it, he was very insecure and immature. Homie was lacking confidence so much that it took me to point out things that he wasn’t lacking. I literally felt like his therapist. It felt like he literally came into my life for help.

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So another part of the song was, “Painted a picture; I thought I knew you well. I got a habit of seeing what isn’t there. Caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets”. The way I described him, you would have thought he was created by God using suggestions from women of what the perfect man would be. Think of every adjective that describes the perfect man… that’s how I held him. Looking at my past, everyman I encountered, I uplifted them and in return got nothing. That’s a habit that I learned I need to get rid of. It was just me being someone that I want in a person….you know, COMPASSIONATE. I was ignoring the clear traits that he was lacking. Shame on me.

Moving onto more of the song: “Yeah, look at you, boy, I invented you. Gucci tennis shoes runnin’ from your issues.Cardio good for the heart . I figured we can work it out.” I also have a habit of liking the “show offy” guys. What people fail to realize, those who show off material things all the time, fall short in other areas. I guess I figured out too late. I don’t know if he has worked on them, or any guy I’ve fixed has worked on them, but many of them had inner issues and took it out on me. Don’t get me wrong, we all have inner issues. But the adult thing to do is to work on them for yourself. Lesson learned.

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“My imagination’s too creative
They see demon, I see angel,”

“My imagination’s too creative
They see Cain and I see Abel”

 

So not very many know the story of Cain and Abel.  But basically Cain was evil and jealous of his lacking compared to Abel his brother. Abel was an angel.  Once again it’s me looking at the good in a guy and failing to see any red flags to prevent myself from getting hurt.

Genesis 4 New International Version (NIV)

Cain and Abel

Adam[a] made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain.[b] She said, “With the help of the Lord I have brought forth[c] a man.” Later she gave birth to his brother Abel.

Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lordlooked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”[d] While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

“Wanted you to grow, but, boy, you wasn’t budding”. The imagery in this song is amazing. Like have you ever planted so much wisdom in a guys life, only for them to not bud until you aren’t in their life. Dude the amount of pure facts I spoke into this guys life, I should’ve charged him. Am I upset? Not at much as I was before. I do want the best for him. It just sucks sometimes, because I deserved so many finished projects.

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“Everything you are made you everything you aren’t
I saw your potential without seein’ credentials. Maybe that’s the issue”

Now the line above from the song. That line is what hit home. I felt attacked. The reason from my hurt in the past, is partially my fault. For that exact reason. Due to my past, I have learned to do my research and require reasons and proof of why I should give a guy my time. Unless you are giving me reasonable points, then I should not do anything for you, including care and help you in any sort of way. Let me tell you how much I care, when I’m all in. I was giving a guy fashion advice (took him shopping) and rides. Like TLC should’ve played in my head of “I don’t want know scrub, because that is exactly what he was. I’m mad at myself for the many times I was used.

“Said maybe that’s the issue, 
Can’t hold that shit against you, 
Guess I did it to myself, 
Thought you were somebody else”

Lesson learned guys. Lesson learned. Put that energy of leveling up for yourself. These boys don’t deserve it, unless they come correct.

 

IF YOU HAVEN’T CHECKED OUT ANY OF MY OTHER CONTENT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? BE SURE TO CHECK OUT SOME OF MY OTHER WORK. LIKE, COMMENT, AND SHARE WITH A FRIEND OR SOMEONE YOU FEEL NEEDS TO READ THIS. 

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