“UNLESS YOU ARE A SURVIVOR OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS TO FIGHT DAILY BATTLES IN YOUR HEAD WITH A PERSON YOU NO LONGER HAVE CONTACT WITH.”
Normally I don’t let things affect me. But this experience has messed up my head, although my heart is not affected, as of right now, I’m damaged goods. Many don’t know they are dealing with one until they are out of the situation or someone points it out. What I am talking about is a narcissist.
These type of people are evil and only care about themselves. Let me make it clear that there is a different between someone who is arrogant and a narcissist, One is a mental disorder. It is serious.
There are a list of signs that a guy is a narcissist:
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance .
- Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration.
- Exaggerates achievements and talents.
- Take advantage of others to get what they want.
- Become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment.
My experience with a narcissist wasn’t obvious to me until after the fact. When I first met the kid, it was chill, you know, normal. We had great convo and he was nice. We both agreed on what we got (wanted) out of this. I have who witness the entire thing. Anyway, I was nothing but nice, we had a few fall outs, none of which were my fault. I got out of character once but immediately apologized. Although I shouldn’t have, because what I said wasn’t disrespectful and it was true. The truth hurts those who are living a lie.
This guy literally manipulated my mind into thinking that I was wrong and a bad person. It was always his way or the highway. If he saw me feeling for myself, saw me showing any type of confidence, or any guy paying me any attention, it would turn into World War 3. The kid wasn’t even my boyfriend. I would have friends ask me why I’m even wasting energy arguing with him over stuff I owed no explanation for.
Here is the thing with narcissist. As much as you should “hate them”, you can’t. My mind won’t let me and anyone who has never dealt with a narcissist will not be able to understand what I’m talking about when I say that I still care. There will always be questions unanswered. That person will always be in the back of my mind. Whether, its bad or good memories, or the nasty comments they’ve said. That will always be in the back of my mind.
The person I was dealing with is a textbook narcissist. It took my friend and my grandma to help me understand this. I would just give and give and never receive nothing in return. I would question myself, “what did I ever do to this kid, to make him treat me like crap”. I have ask him this before and all he did was laugh (like he pity me) or switch the blame on me. In his eyes I was nothing and something at the same time.
There was a situation where a friend was involved and I was being question about stuff that was no one’s business but mine. I would talk to the friend and could tell that his friend somewhat agreed with me that the friend was overreacting and treating me terribly. He loves to go ghost, disappear out of my life, then pop up if he gets any type of feeling that I am moving on or happy. Any guy that I happen to be interested in, I always seem to not people to give any energy because this narcissist drained every ounce of it out of me.
I hate who I became when entertaining him. I acted out of character and not only was it embarrassing but it had the possibility of messing up my reputation had I kept entertaining him. I know we have lessons in life but this is not one that I think I deserved. I would not wish an “experience with a narcissist” on anyone. Had I been given a chance to start over with this person. I would have just kept it pushing and not entertained him at all. He was toxic and my life was tainted.
If I were to give advice to anyone. It would be not to avoid the signs. There were signs of the type of person he was, I just chose to ignore it, because I’m the type who sees the good in people and that potential that they have. I would also say to heal yourself if you have dealt with a narcissist because you don’t want to mess up someone else life due to the fact that you may be holding onto negative emotions from that experience. Guard your heart.
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